How I overwhelmed myself, how I’m fixing it, and some things you might be doing that are CAUSING your overwhelm!?

Originally posted on "Embers to Impact" blog August 3, 2021 by Brianna Hosack

Self-Inflicted Overwhelm

When you’re overwhelmed, do you know why?
I mean… in the moment. Are you aware of the cause of it?

Or is it only after the fact, when you calm down, that you realize what you COULD have done differently, and what events led up to that point…?

For me, it’s usually the latter.

BUT, I am learning to be better about this and I am learning the signs that lead up to my tipping point.

My signs are so ridiculous that I really never clued in about them until I started deliberately looking for them.

Signs like:

• I start trying to multi-task to a ridiculous extent: like brushing my teeth and going pee at the same time!  This has happened more than once!
  
  Let me tell you, if you can’t take the time to use the facilities before or AFTER brushing your teeth, you have a real problem!!

• I stop prioritizing my hygiene.

  I know, it’s gross sounding to some of you. But I’m not one to shower every day unless it’s needed. I don’t sweat a lot, and I only wash my hair about once a week. NORMALLY.

  If I am forgetting to shower, or deciding NOT to because I’m too tired… then it has become a real problem.

• I start getting snippy with my family

  This one almost goes without saying, and I think applies to most of us.

• I start believing that my routines are too much, even though I know that what overwhelms me is NOT following them.

  That’s right, I become highly illogical, thus creating more confusion for myself, and exascerbating the problem.

It is NOT my routines that overwhelm me.

It’s the extras I take on.

It’s my creative side that splashes my energy all over the canvas of my life, and comes up with a million and one things to do that DO NOT need to be done.

It's a TOTAL disaster.

For instance…

Starting a business, building a website, facebook community, and all of the things…
Only to realize within months that it just didn’t encompass everything I wanted to include!

So of course I created multiple groups to cover all of the things, even though they didn’t really fall under the purview of my business…

(And THIS is what I call “Self-Inflicted Overwhelm”!! Acting before you think.)

Then starting from the ground up, building a second website, building a bigger, better Facebook community (if you’re not there, you need to be - click here), re-starting my blog, you name it.

WHILE maintaining all the rest.

Yup, overwhelmed.

So what do you DO when you have afflicted yourself with overwhelm, and have no-one else to blame?

You fix it. You fix it brick, by sloooow, boring brick.

Your to-do list will expand to the amount of time that you give it. DO NOT GIVE IT ALL YOUR TIME.

For me, that looks like:

• gradually shifting everyone into one large group on Facebook, closing down all the extras… 

• Very slowly transferring all my data & posts that apply and still fit with the new biz, so I don’t completely erase 6 months of hard work…

• Explaining over and over to my clients, friends, and family why it’s going slower than I planned…

And I am happily doing the work, because I am owning that it is only me that caused it, and that I only have myself to fix it.

When you accept your role in the cause, it is easy to let go of the overwhelm and just choose to take the first step to fix it.

For all my minimalists (and minimalist wanna be's) - Decluttering doesn’t just have to be about physical items!
Declutter your TIME, your schedules, your calendars…
Declutter your email inboxes, tabs in your browsers, your social media feeds, your scrolling time…
Declutter your limiting beliefs, your negative self-talk, your racing thoughts…
These are all equally as valid, if not more so, as decluttering your physical possessions.

Decluttering habits is a huge one…

• the habit of saying yes, when you don’t want to.

• the habit of requiring more of yourself than is humanly possible, and then beating yourself up over it when you (inevitably) fail.

• the habit of choosing ‘later’ instead of ‘done’.

• the habit of procrastinating scary things

• the habit of saying no, when you could say yes (ie to your kids).

the habit of adding to your own overwhelm, like me.

Replacing your bad habits with good ones is a long process, but you are SO worth it! And you HAVE to start with radical responsibility.

So what are YOU doing that is CAUSING you to be overwhelmed?

Are you constantly decluttering, but never seem to have less stuff?
Maybe you’re bringing IN more new items than you realize, replacing everything that you let go!

If that’s you, what can you do? Just saying ‘buy less stuff’ doesn’t work!

• You can do a no-spend challenge, to practise not spending beyond the barest of necessities.

• You can track what is going out and what is coming in, to bring your awareness to the reality of your spending habits.
  

Are you always SO busy, with one commitment after another…?

…saying ‘yes’ is likely your issue!

If you have a habit of saying yes when you don’t want to, when you don’t have the time, when you haven’t got the energy or resources…

…What can you do?

• Practice saying NO! It may feel silly, but the phrase ‘practice makes perfect’ stuck for a REASON. Stand in front of a mirror and practice!!

• If you are uncomfortable with the word no, and practice isn’t helping, try planning ways to say no that don’t use that actual word.

“I am unavailable to be the event coordinator for the PTA any longer after this date.”

You don’t have to give a reason
If they ask, you can just say: “I wish that I could be more help!” (re-direct).
Or give an actual reason if you have one ready, like: “I have given so much of my time in previous years and just have so many other priorities to attend to this year, that I am unable to manage them all on top of this one.”

You are ALLOWED to not want to do something, and then to NOT. DO. IT. (even if you do nothing instead).

I promise. AND you don’t have to apologize for it!

Do you “never have the time” to unwind, and take care of yourself…?
This one might sting. It may be harsh. But as I have said before, I am always honest, and so it is TRUE…

YOU are CHOOSING THIS. (I love you)

Ok…no one needs to be ‘to blame’ BUT… YOU are the cause of you NOT having this time.

Not the dinner that needs to be made.
Not the needy baby or potty training toddler.
Not the homework.
Not the mess.

It’s you.

You have to start CHOOSING yourself.

You have to start healing YOURSELF.

Your kids, your husband, your mother, your friends… they care, but they can’t do it for you.
Again, your to-do list will expand to the amount of time that you give it. DO NOT GIVE IT ALL YOUR TIME.

CHOOSE to set aside time that is not for anything else but you, no matter what.

If you get up at 6 to be alone, and the baby wakes up every day at 6:05, get up at 5:30 so that when the baby wakes up at 6:05, you’ve had a minute to breathe.

If you struggle with getting to bed early enough, get up earlier so you are more tired the next night.

Realize that the housework and to do list literally never does end (ouch, I know, I’m so sorry!), and so it’s OKAY to go to bed without finishing.

ALL OR SOMETHING, NOT ALL OR NOTHING!

Remember that if your focus is only outward, your insides will fall apart.
NOBODY can pour from an empty bucket.

And it gets really hard to pour, and to maintain, when we don’t take care of our bucket FIRST and so it has a bunch of holes, leaking out everything we put into it.

Slow down.

Breathe. 

You’ve got this.

Slowing down will speed up that to do list like nothing you’ve ever imagined…

…in a MANAGEABLE way.

…in an EASIER way.

…in a NOT OVERWHELMING way.

And remember, for you moms, if nothing else, you want your kids to realize they are important and take care of themselves, right?

Children will model what they SEE, not what you SAY.

SHOW them how to prioritize themselves, even if you have to learn how first.

Watching you struggle to get there will teach them that it’s okay to NOT be perfect from the start, and just to keep on trying until they get there.

No kids? The same applies to your audience, your clients... they will discredit your advice if they watch you NOT following it!

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