Learning Self-Kindness
“I just don’t have the energy for much else, and after this good think-through I’ve just had, I’m REALLY grounded in being ok with that.
“It’s Friday, and I have a big to do list to try to catch up over the weekend.
“And I just stopped being stressed about it.”
Originally Posted on the 'Embers to Impact' blog July 23, 2021 by Brianna Hosack
Learning Self-Kindness
I’ve realized just how hard I’ve been on myself in the past, and it’s one of the main focuses for me in this stage of my life: to ‘give myself grace’. To be more kind to myself.
I’ll explain…
…because I think it’s so common for us women to do this, and it is one of the CORE reasons that we feel as though we are failures.
That’s right - we do it to ourselves.
I especially feel as though I need to be perfect, when I’m leading others to improve. I can get lost in it if I'm not careful.
Here’s a peek at a post I shared previously (long but worth it), about 11 days into a 30 day morning accountability challenge I was running:
“I started a 30 day challenge on the 1st for my workouts, and am only on day 6 or 7, so I’ve been upset with myself.
Thinking why can’t I get back on the exercise train?? Why am I struggling harder to get up than I was when this was a habit for me before?
Well here it is: when I was getting up at 5 am every day and working out without fail:
…I was not working. At least, my dayhome was closed because I was on maternity leave. I didn’t have EXTRA KIDS here every day. I was working on my online business, but that is entirely at my pace and only when I give it my time!!
So I was not as physically exhausted by running after not one, not two, not THREE, but FOUR toddlers 50 hours a week!!! Not to mention the regular mom hours.
…and I was not on someone else’s schedule in the mornings, where my work hours were set for me.
…and my husband was working out of town a LOT so I was getting to bed earlier. And he wasn’t up earlier ‘stealing’ some of my alone time in the mornings like he is on his new schedule.
… and I had started back then at a point of so out of shape that I wasn’t even walking my dog once a week for a 2k walk that was our ‘usual’ route prior to our last baby.
…and I had a friend who was doing FaceTime with me for the workouts so that I had extra motivation to be there for HER.
…and I started slipping from my 5 am times when I reopened my dayhome. BECAUSE I WAS EXHAUSTED!!
…AND I stopped doing my workouts every day when I reopened my dayhome because I HAD started getting out for daily walks with the dog before that (about 4-6x a week), but once I had dayhome kids here, a walk has just always been part of our routine to burn some of their energy. So we never miss a day.
BUT I had grown our walks from 2k to 5k and occasionally 8k before the dayhome started up again, and I hadn’t stopped that!!!
And NOW, with FOUR FREAKING toddlers, we rarely do less than 5k; often I have to RUN the walk (or big chunks of it) because the toddlers ride their bikes and have boundless energy to pedal those little legs so quickly, and for some reason I haven’t been counting those walk/runs as a WORKOUT?!?!
Also- how is 6 or 7 out of 11 so bad?! Combined with my walk/runs, and my stationary bike, which I jump on for 10-15 minutes at random occasionally when I need a burst of energy, I have “worked out” 20 times in 11 days!!! WHAT?!
I even mentioned in here how I miss running- why is running after toddlers who are getting so far ahead they are almost out of sight, not RUNNING, IN MY MIND?! I sweat, I get sore, I burn enough to be starving hungry at the next meal…
… and possibly the worst of all- I was losing weight steadily before I reopened the dayhome, but since it reopened I have slowly been gaining some back…
…and I’ve been REALLY down about that, and blaming the missed workouts (umm they aren’t missed, they are just different!!) but have ALSO just realized that:
1) my sleep has been LESS and poorer,
2) my stress has escalated, as running a dayhome with 3 kids (of my own) is much different than running one with 2 (of my own).
3) my stress has escalated because hubby has been home with his new job & ALL the routines changed around that
4) I have been eating like CRAP since the dayhome reopened because I haven’t had the TIME to think and be deliberate about what I am putting in my body.
I haven’t had (or made, I suppose) the TIME to prep my healthier meals.
So I am eating 100% differently than I was. I had cut out and was not craving sweets and chips etc. but have been eating A LOT of those.
I’ve eaten KD with hot dogs a gross amount of times, and crackers several times a day.
Not to mention the coffees and treats brought to me by grateful dayhome parents.
5) my workouts are great in reality, but I am cancelling them out in the other departments; the 4 pillars of health: more sleep, reduced stress, healthy eating, AND good exercise all need to come together for a whole healthy experience!
It’s ok to laugh at this post. I am feeling ridiculous as I take stock of my life here haha.
Please don’t be as hard on yourself as I’ve been being on me!!!
I’ve been my own worst enemy, as my mindset has been so poor that I am CAUSING myself to not have the drive and PRIDE in myself I should have!!
This morning, I got up before the kids and had an hour to myself.
I enjoyed some chilly fresh air for a few minutes, and am on my second ridiculously delicious coffee. I’ve eaten a very tasty muffin I’m refusing to think about calories on, and spent a lot too much time on my screen in this group (but have NOT been mindlessly scrolling).
I just don’t have the energy for much else, and after this good think-through I’ve just had, I’m REALLY grounded in being ok with that.
I know I’m going to have likely an 8k walk (RUN) today, with the sunshine we have going on right now.
It’s Friday, and I have a big to do list to try to catch up over the weekend.
And I just stopped being stressed about it."
?!
There is no reason EVER to be this hard on ourselves!!
I mean, I was able to reflect and reframe my situation for myself… but only because:
I’ve developed a LOT of self care practises that help me re-center.
I’ve developed routines that give me the space to slow down, so that I had time to notice how I was feeling.
I’ve spent the last couple of years working on my self-worth, self-love, self-respect… whatever you want to call it, I’ve spent an incredible amount of time developing it.
And only AFTER beating myself up without realizing it for almost 2 weeks was I finally aware enough and present enough (and exhausted enough) to fix the issue.
SO. I know that’s a lot about me. I hope you can identify with some of it, if only to realize that you need to lighten up on yourself.
If I have spent that much time learning to treat myself properly, and still struggle and forget, then it’s ok to just ACCEPT that you’ve been struggling with the same thing.
You have been trained, as a woman, to put everyone else first; likely for your entire life.
It’s time to start undoing all that training. It’s time to fill your own cup until it runs over, so that you have so much and MORE to give, AND you get to feel GOOD while giving it.
And the best place to start doing that is with women who GET IT, TOO. You can join my Facebook community, the online village of Heartbeat's Harbor©️, here, or sign up for the Heartbeat's Harbor©️ newsletter to be kept in the loop of all the methods & tips I share!
I love to help teach other women how to be KIND to themselves so that they can be the AMAZING leaders (of themselves, their families, and beyond) that have been buried for too long.
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